when i was a child i used to see my mom tearing in front of the tv watching some latin telenovela.. the telenovela used to titled “ROSALINDA” , “ESMERALDA” or whatever lahhh hahahahha… and i used to bully my mom by saying.. ” MOM YOU LOOKED SO DAMN UGLY THAT WAY!!!!!” and she always wipe away her tear and laugh at me .. or asking me to go to bath instead of bullying her.. and i prefer to go outside and playing badminton,, driving bicycle instead of taking a bath.. yeahhhhhh i was a naughty boy….
all i was wondering is.. why can a women as strong as her.. tearing up just
for a movie without any quality like that… and all i can do is asking and askiNg inside of me…
one day i tried to watch that movie.. i was not crying but all i do is frowning from the beginning of that movie until the movie ended
i just don’t understand how a men and a women could deliberately suck into a conflict like that… is that conflict is worth to make somebody killed him/herself? or the extreme one killed somebody.. hAhAha..
but day after day… passing and i little by little grown up to be a mature human being.. at that process i learnt so many literature about something CALLED LOVE!!!
shit man.. Love is something that makes our life colorfull… yeah and i was enjoying the love it self in my junior high until my senior high.. i was dating.. going out with girls.. smsing every girl i like and so on…

But recently.. i do feel love is SUCKS… REALLY REALLY SUCKS.. because it drain my energy.. drain my brain and extremely just like sucking my marrow out of my bone.. SHIT!!!!
back in the early 1996 i have a very bad event occured to me.. at that time my dad just brought me a new PLASTIC POOL which is able filled by plenty of water and then we can swim there… yeahh in the first day he bought us that pool ,we(me and my bro) were so happy because we got a new stuff.. but it lasted just a week.. because suddenly my dad gave it to my cousin in JAMBI..
it was awfull so awfull and i was feeling dull for a month or so… all i wanna ask was…did i, doing the wrong thing by feeling awful because i have to watch something i love so much being owned by otherS??
and it happened again recently.. in my love life… i have to watch my beloved one.. owned by somebody.. SHIT!! really it hurts.. it do hurts.. but i have to move on and survive from this game.. haaaaah .. upset.. hurt .. it’s all mixed up in me… huhuhu..
yaaaaah how does the feel to see it in front of my EYES…
i never knew what the motives is..
god knows

back to my early junior high.. i was singing as long as you love me by Backstreet boys a lot and the phrase was
” i don’t care who you are
where you’re from
don’t care what you did
as long as you love me”
yahhh i will keep this ,, but i never knew when will i gave this game up.. but i’ll try to survive and keep strong.. i just can’t lie that i don’t love it.. i just want to be honest
To myself…
thx 4 everythin…
and my question is.. Do I Make You Proud??

pw.7